Dutchie Does Dining: A List of Austin’s Best

Dutchie Does Dining: A List of Austin’s Best

So I’ve realized I’m pretty bad at this blogging thing; maybe not the content thing (you can be the judge of that), but consistency and dedication portion. For those of you who continue to read – love you, despite leaving you high and dry for about a month at a time.

As a self-proclaimed cultural ambassador to Austin, and a Fat Kid, I feel the need to pimp out my favorite places to grub and grab a drink. I’m going to be an asshole and say I have a rather sophisticated and discerning palate. To me, this means I turn my nose up to some things. To me, those things are poorly executed, clumsily thought out, and sloppily prepared meals and dishes; meals and dishes that lack creativity, fundamentals, or love for food, technique, and ingredients. This does not mean that I do not enjoy simple food, inexpensive food, or restaurants where ambiance is clearly lacking. It is quite the opposite – if you choose to prepare simple food, inexpensive food, or concentrate on things other than ambiance in your restaurant, all the better. My critique for these places will focus solely on the food; so make sure it’s plentiful, satisfying, and goddamn delicious. On the other side of the fence, I need to steal/paraphrase a bit from my hero Anthony Bourdain and say “sometimes it just feels really fucking good to drop an unreasonable amount of money on a meal”. But I’ll be dammed if the demands don’t increase proportionally with the price – if I’m spending north of $30-$50 per head including booze it better be worth every penny.

 This is not meant to be an all-inclusive review of every restaurant in town that I have eaten at. With a few very notable exceptions, go to Fearless Critic for that. Their critics and I share many of the same feelings on enjoyment, quality, and value of a meal, and I find their ranking system pretty indicative of my own. I know there are a few places notably missing from this list…simply because I’ve never been. So if you have been, and wonder “why in the hell isn’t [Mulberry/Barley Swine/Etc] on the list?”, give me a reason to go!

On to the List…

The Top 5:

 1) Taco Deli

·         In a city with great food, how does a casual breakfast/lunch place, serving tacos make the top of the list? They do it by making everything on their menu unbelievably good, and some things truly exceptional…and doing it day in and day out with the same high standards. On TD’s worst day, I still walk away absolutely satisfied, knowing I probably won’t eat better than that the rest of the day. To clarify – while I adore TD’s breakfast taco’s (the Otto in particular), it’s the lunch menu that really shines. The Cowboy Taco, with a slathering of the (should be world famous) Doña sauce, is absolutely perfect. It’s what I crave about Austin when I’ve been away for a while, and frankly one of the 2-3 best things to eat in all of Austin. Other standouts include many of their daily specials: The Delibelly (braised pork belly taco with a Serrano pico, honey glaze, and fat slice of avocado), the Scallop Taco (who lives in the same ethereal realm as the Cowboy), and the Ceviche Taco. Throw a dart at the menu, you’ll find something you like, something you love, and something you can’t live without. Some of the best Queso in Austin as well, and a mean Agua Fresca. If you eat here, and don’t get why I love it so much, we have some pretty serious issues to work out.

 2) Asia Café

·         #2 on my list is another restaurant with the ambiance only a strip center and undecorated walls can provide? The food is just that good. Asia Café, located off of 183 and Spicewood, is one of the few reasons I choose to drive north of 183 and Mopac with any frequency. It used to be located in the back of an Asian grocery store, Asia Market, and became so popular they decided to buy the store next door and open a full-fledged restaurant. You walk in, pick up a menu (or read from the board), order your food, grab a number, and wait for a dude to scream out your number in English and then something indecipherable in Mandarin. But in all honesty, you could give a shit less about ambiance when the food arrives. It’s real Chinese food, as opposed to your standard Americanized menu of lemon chicken or beef with broccoli. The “spicy fish” is an unknown white fish, battered and fried, and swimming in a chili and chili oil sauce, topping a mound of sautéed bok choy and other veggies. My favorite dish in all of Austin. Check Yelp – I can’t remember the last time there was a review about the place without talking about how fucking insane the Spicy Fish is. Other must orders on the list include Asia Eggplant (sweet, gingery stewed eggplant dish served in a hotpot, with minced pork), the Singapore Noodles (egg, pork, crawfish, and shrimp, stir-fried with hair thin rice noodles, and an unbelievably spicy sauce), and their lo-meins. Get a big group, have everyone order one dish, and split it up. It’s the best way to enjoy the best Chinese food in Austin, and my 2^nd favorite restaurant.

3)      3) La Condesa

·         Sexy. Possibly the best way to describe La Condesa. The food is elegant and tantalizing, and the décor is chic. The soundtrack busts out everything from Manu Chao to Phoenix, and the crowd usually seems to be hip, well dressed, and in the mood for a good time. The drinks are strong but go down like water. The tequila menu rivals most wine menus in terms of breadth and selection.  They lay claim to the best house margarita on planet earth. What La Condesa does right is sort of a reinvention/modernization of Mexican cuisine. They take the spirit of great Mexican food and elevate it to something sophisticated and even more delicious. Freshness, quality of ingredients, and attention to detail set this place apart, and make it truly my favorite fine dining spot in Austin. Starting a meal at La Condesa must include one of their many amazing ceviches. The freshness of the fish, the quality of ingredients, and the balance of flavors make the La Condesa Ceviches unbeatable. The Acapulco is more of your “standard” ceviche, but balanced superbly, so the flavor and texture of the fish, as opposed to the citrus or salsa, shines. My personal favorite, the Vuelve a la Vida (Come back to Life) resembles more of a “shrimp cocktail” at a traditional Mexican restaurant, but elevates it to a whole new level with at least 4 different types of seafood and a smoky tomato based broth, sweetened by horseradish. Although the chips and salsas are not complimentary, it’s well worth the order. 4 different varieties (2 green, 2 red) are presented, each pureed into a silky flavorful sauce, with the smoky morita chili based salsa being my favorite. Every time I have been to La Condesa I have been floored by every item on the menu, but the Scallop entrée and Pato con Mole Negro are pure bliss. Whatever you do, don’t leave without at least one order of the Elotes. Their take on Mexican street corn is unbeatable…almost worth a trip just for that. And a house marg or two.

4)      4) Uchi/Uchiko

·         What can I say that hasn’t already been said about Austin’s most famous restaurant(s)? They source the best fish in town. They prepare it better than anywhere in town. They aren’t really a sushi restaurant on the one hand, and on the other hand they are the best sushi restaurant in town by a mile. I love what they do with food, and want to see what else Tyson Cole will have in store for Austin in the coming years. Give me a couple hundred bucks to spend, a foodie to dine with, and I’m in heaven. And make sure to keep the hotate coming in a constant rotation. 

5)      5) Foreign and Domestic

·         I lost a bet on the world cup final, and had to take Leach out to a dinner of his choice. We were considering Uchiko, but decided to try something new. My first experience at Foreign and Domestic included 6 appetizers, 2 entrees, 2 desserts, and 2 bottles of wine. I left that meal arguing it was the best dining experience I’d ever had in Austin, and about a year later I can’t really argue with it. F&D does a rotating menu of bold dishes with even bolder flavors. There is very little subtlety about the place – but the atmosphere is relaxed, the service is great, and the food is rich and plentiful. If you’re into weird cuts of animals or interesting ways to eat fats, this is the place to be. Crispy tongue, heart tartare, whipped lardo, and foie appetizers are as good as they get, but could be construed as overly rich for some. A rotating menu of entrees showcases some very bold flavors, and I have opted to the seafood options with great success. Dine here with some foodies, and you will have a blast. Those with more reserved palates may have a harder time here.

The “Just Missed the Cut” List:

Spectacular: good enough for separate recognition, but still can’t throw my top 5 off their pedestal.

·         Perla’s

o   Best oyster bar in Austin. Fantastic cocktails. Incredibly fresh seafood, prepared expertly. They don’t take too many risks here, mainly because they don’t have to…this is my go-to spot in Austin when I get a seafood craving (as opposed to sushi). Was bumped from my top 5 after La Condesa entered the picture. When the weather isn’t too hot, one of my favorite Austin past-times is enjoying a few cocktails on the patio, with a plate of oysters, simply basking in the South Congress vibe.

·         Parkside

o   Another excellent seafood restaurant, with a HUGE selection of oysters. At times their food can be a bit too sweet for me, but I attribute that to a bad day as opposed to a recurring theme. I certainly prefer the cocktails and location at Perlas to Parkside, but the food is certainly on par.

·         Jeffrey’s

o   Classssy food. High end American with an Austin twist, done in a converted house in Clarksville. The décor is a bit weird, and seems like it hasn’t changed much from the 80s, but they really crank out some excellent food. Their Oysters Octavia are deep fried nuggets of gold.

·         Hudson’s On the Bend

o   I had a lot of firsts at Hudson’s. My first tasting menu. My first wine pairing. My first taste of foie. I’ve been back a few times, and had mixed results, but that tasting menu was simply to die for. Seared foie gras is just a thing of beauty, and they do it better than anyone. The wine selection is fun, the menu is creative, but the biggest detractors are price and location. If it were more central and/or more affordable, this would be a no-brainer for special meals.

·         Odd Duck

o   I love the farm to market concept. Or “Farm to trailer” concept as Odd Duck has coined it. Take what’s local, what’s good, and what isn’t mass produced, and make the best you can out of the ingredients as they are in season. Odd Duck really set off the gourmet portion of the gourmet food trailer revolution in Austin for me, and still stands as the pinnacle of what great trailer food should be. The pork belly sliders are a can’t miss.

·         Kebabalicious

o   My favorite drunk food on planet earth. I dream of Kebabalicious. It’s coincidentally located across the street from my favorite bar (Mugshots), and I’ve been known to stare out the window from Mugshots, waiting for Kebabalicious to open. A beef/lamb gyro, spicy, with everything may be the perfect Austin street food. It’s also guaranteed birth control, because you will be battling that one down and out for some time to come. But it’s so damn good, you don’t care. During SXSW I am known to eat here multiple times a day…and wait almost an hour just for the pleasure of ordering.

Mexican / Tacos

This is really what Austin does best. And below is the best of that best. Torchy’s just missed the “just missed the cut” list, and is an awesome counterpoint to Taco Deli.

·         Torchy’s

o   2^nd best Taco shop in town, not far down from Taco Deli. They kill it. My favorite breakfast taco in town by a wide margin. Lunch/Dinner also rocks, with the Green Chili Pork and the Brushfire Tacos being on par with some of Taco Deli’s best. Best queso in Austin.

·         Curra’s

o   Formerly my favorite Mexican restaurant in town. It’s not that they have changed…but that I’ve found some new loves in my life. Best Al Pastor taco in town. Anything that is pork, or seafood, is a pretty decent bet at Curra’s. Great margs – the avocado marg is certainly worth a try if you’ve never experienced it before.

·         Polvo’s

o   Best fajitas on planet earth. Everclear margaritas that you wouldn’t know were made of everclear until someone told you. Truly an “Austin” experience, and worth the ever-present wait. Chile Relleno en Nogada is another unique dish you can’t find on most menus, and they do one of the best I’ve ever had.

·         Sazon

o   Certainly a place you wouldn’t look at and think “I need to eat here” when driving down the road. They do dishes with a lot more subtlety than I’ve seen out of affordable Mexican restaurants in the past. I do always feel like I’m eating in a cave when I go in, but the food is worth a crummy environment.

·         Takoba

o   Fancy Mexican on the eastside. Probably the best chips and salsa in town compliment really well done Mexican food. The restaurant itself feels a bit “sterile”, it’s just too new, too clean, and not enough soul. It may not help that almost everyone who works there is a hipster. But damn can they crank out a great brunch, some great ceviche, and a hell of a pastor. I need to do a bit more exploring of their menu, but it’s all great stuff from what I’ve tried.

·         Manuel’s

o   One of the more expensive spots in town for Mexican, but they do it all very well. Their Chile Relleno en Nogada is one of the most beautifully presented anywhere, and they slap out a mean fajita. Possibly the best flan in Austin.

·         El Chile

o   Interior Mexican food is where it’s at. Curra’s, Polvo’s, and Sazon all do amazing interior, and El Chile is no exception. Great mole here, and it’s always fun to see puffy tacos on a menu in Austin. I prefer the Manor location to the Graystone, but both are equally awesome. Their roasted salsa has an awesome smoky flavor and blackish color that’s really unique.

·         El Chilito

o   The little brother to El Chile. It’s my local haunt. For $6 I can get a couple awesome tacos in about 5 minutes flat. They use the same salsa as El Chile, which really is a great accent to whatever else they have. The Charlie taco for breakfast and the Tinga tacos for lunch/dinner with guac are my personal favorites.

·         Ken’s Tacos Subs and More

o   Owned by a white dude with long, silver hair, and located at the corner of Cameron Road and Rundberg, this is the big “WTF” on my Mexican list thusfar. They give you the biggest bang for your buck of any restaurant on this list, and make almost everything in house. Personal favorites include their Carne Guisada (the best I’ve ever had), the Sausage and Egg, and strangely the single best Philly Cheesesteak sandwich I’ve ever had. Tell Ken that Ron and his son said hi the next time you’re in.

Sushi

·         Musashino

o   Some of the freshest seafood in town. I believe Tyson Cole had worked here at one point before moving on to Uchi success. Really interesting rolls and dynamite sauces. It’s been a while since I’ve been, but I have yet to have anything less than a stellar dining experience every time I’ve been to Musashino.

·         Origami

o   Located in a strip mall in Round Rock that previously held an abandoned Albertsons, you would expect absolutely awful sushi. Instead you get some of the most fresh and flavorful sushi in Austin. I’d highly recommend sitting at the bar, as the chefs are great conversationalists, even when slammed, and highly knowledgeable. The Bob Marley roll and Ninja roll are two of my personal favorites. And of course, as much escolar as you can cram into your face, if they have it fresh.

Pizza

·         Homeslice

o   It’s a well-known fact that Homeslice sends their entire staff (from floor to the kitchen) to NYC for a pizza tour once a year. This is what they replicate really damn well. I can’t think of a better crust in Austin – they get the perfect chew and crunch combination, like a good NYC pie should. There’s always a wait, but it’s so worth it.

·         Salvation

o   Compared to Homeslice, Salvation is more of your Neapolitan style pizza, with a thinner, crispier crust. Its biggest advantage is the relative lack of a wait. It’s never dead inside, but there seems to always be a way to snag a table as you walk in. Great sauce, amazing crust, and really quality ingredients set this apart from the rest in town. If Homeslice is #1, this would be a very close #1b.

·         Backspace

o   Literally the “backspace” of Parkside, this restaurant is rumored to have imported a pizza oven costing more than $100,000. And literally everything that is cooked in the restaurant uses the oven, to get that smoky woody goodness in the food. The menu is limited, which is a great thing. The addition of a fried egg on any pizza is just divine. And…they have guanciale, which is one of my all-time favorite ways to cure pig parts.

·         Hoboken Pie Company

o   I felt this streetza place on 8^th and Red River deserved at least some respect. The best street pizza in Austin, and a SXSW haunt of mine.

Chinese

I’ve almost come to the same conclusion with Chinese food as I have with BBQ. Get the good stuff, get the real stuff, and skip all the rest. Asia Café is just.that.good. So it makes it almost impossible for me to eat Chinese food anywhere else in town. I’ve been dying to try Chen’s noodle house…but it’s located in the same parking lot as Asia Café and it’s pretty tough for me to try something new when the Spicy Fish is 5 feet away.

·         Din Ho

o   Located in that crappy shopping center with the Target at Ohlen and 183, this was my first taste of the “true” Chinese food in Austin. I found Asia Café about 3 months later, and haven’t really looked back, but I’d put this as a close second. The BBQ pork and roast duck are pretty awesome here. I’d put the roast duck a head above Asia Café’s, if that’s your thing.

·         Shanghai

o   Amazing Dim Sum. Enough said. Get there at 11 on a Saturday or Sunday and pig out on MSG goodness. Then go take a nap.

Vietnamese

·         Tan My

o   My favorite pho in town. Also my favorite beef with vermicelli in lemongrass in town. I was on a Vietnamese kick a few years back and would eat at this place at least once week for lunch. Now that I’ve moved a bit further away, and our office is 15-20 minutes away, I cherish every chance I get to eat some great Vietnamese food.

·         Thanh Nhi

o   Tremendous Banh Mi. For like $3. Seriously. The nicest lady you will ever meet operates it. I hadn’t been there in around 6 months and she remembered who I was, and said how nice it was to see me again.

Thai

·         Thai Spoon

o   The only place that gets Thai food right in Austin. Except it’s in Round Rock…damn near Hutto at the corner of Gattis School Road and Red Bud, in the HEB shopping center. Their menu is absolutely fantastic, but I would focus nearly all of my efforts around their curries. The Panang curry is sweet, spicy, and fresh. Their Salt and Pepper Tofu is also excellent. For bonus points, start ordering dishes spicier than “Thai Spicy”…we had a competition at work, and Snow Rosen took the prize getting up to 16x Thai Spicy on one order.

Indian

·         G’Raj Mahal

o   After living in London a few summers ago, it was nearly impossible for me to eat Indian food anywhere in town. It was all expensive, and just didn’t taste right. It was too greasy, it didn’t seem fresh enough, there was never enough spice, too many cream based sauces, too much Americanization, and it just seemed rather sloppily and hastily put together everywhere I went. G’Raj Mahal, however, does it pretty damn well, and pretty damn authentic. It might be expensive, there might be a wait, but just the smell of all those toasting spices and few BYOB beers is more than reason enough for me to wait. Amazing naan, an unbelievable lamb jalfrezi (that is spicy as shit), and a to die for rendition of chicken Kashmiri.

·         Teji’s

o   Another standout in a strip mall in Round Rock. Located across the street from Round Rock high school, this is another “restaurant in the back of a market/grocery” that puts the rest to shame. It tastes like someone’s mom is in the back, cooking home cooked Indian food. Great stuff, very balanced, and good enough that you almost forget you’re in a poorly lit grocery store, eating on a plastic table, with plastic utensils on paper plates. Not sexy, but very tasty.

Cocktails

Why does this deserve its own section? Well, frankly, because the places below have knocked out some fan-freaking-tastic cocktails, and I’ve been told also hammer out some incredible food. The drunk I am, I have only really indulged in beverages and finger foods at these fine establishments (which have been delectable). So I’m calling out their baller craft as cocktail bars in the hopes I have a reason to actually eat there in the near future.

·         Eastside Showroom

o   An extensive cocktail menu, and a really cool, funky setup in their bar, merging a hipster and steampunk theme. They make a mean sazerac, which I’ve come to find out, is much more difficult than it should be. God bless the cocktail revival.

·         Peche

o   An absinthe bar. A pre-prohibition cocktail emporium. The bartenders wear bowties and vests. The menu is broken out by primary liquor, and gets rather extensive. It was the first place I had tried elderflower liquor and was blown away. They make a pretty mean old fashioned here, but I certainly implore you to try something a bit more outside your comfort zone. I’ve only heard the best about their food, but only had a nibble here and there, and never anything resembling a meal.

·         Bar Congress

o   The guy who started Eastside Showroom was poached by a few other restaurants to develop a bar menu has now made his way to starting up Bar Congress. Located in the Austonian and sharing a kitchen (and also the bar portion of Second Bar + Kitchen), it’s a bit pretentious. How pretentious? I’m not sure they actually serve vodka at their bar (and this is a very, very good thing, actually). Cocktails sometimes reach north of $14. So pretentious the master mixologist rocks a turn of the 20th century waxed mustache and once served me a ¼ oz of bitters in a glass and said sometimes he likes to just sip them. But all sins are forgiven when you get deep into the cocktail menu. While the others on this list are focusing on perfecting the classics, and adding their own twists here and there – this is pure creation. The menu rotates pretty frequently, but if you ever have the chance to try a “Fightin’ Words”, do it.

Sandwiches

·         Fricano’s

o   They source all of their bread from Chuy’s Panaderia (possibly Austin’s best bakery). They do some really funky things with Boar’s Head ingredients and a tiny little shop in the middle of nowhere in north campus. I’ve used these guys for catering at Bazaarvoice about a billion times, and everyone loves it. The Cajun Turkey and the Double Ham Tapenade deserve mention, as do the homemade cookies.

·         Noble Pig

o   The name “Fat Kid Field Trip” was actually coined here, as Fat Eddie, Anu, and I were leaving the restaurant. Eddie claimed “next time you guys go on a fat kid field trip, give me a call.” The rest, as they say, is history. The owner and chef makes everything by hand. Seriously everything. Homemade bread, house cured hams and sausages, house roasted turkey, homemade pickles, homemade potato salad and cole slaw, homemade mayo, homemade mustard, etc etc etc. The namesake sandwich, the Noble Pig is spicy ham, pulled pork, provolone, and bacon, then grilled, with a light slathering of the most amazing mustard. Divine. The Smoked Duck Pastrami with Russian dressing and rye pickles is revelatory.

Steaks

Look – I’m just going to list the steakhouses. There’s really not much to say about a good steakhouse. They serve you an overpriced steak, but cook it perfectly, and give the option for some sides. Most places butcher those sides (mashed potatoes really aren’t that hard to perfect, guys). All of them have amazing wine menus, some better than the others. Here’s where I go to eat a steak when my company pays for it. Otherwise, I’m just gonna buy the steak I want and do it better for a fraction of the price at home. I must say, however, the wine list at III Forks is unbelievable.

·         III Forks

·         Austin Land and Cattle

·         Sullivan’s

Food Trailers

·         Eastside Kings

o   Both the locations, the original in the back of Liberty, and the one at the Grackle, are amazing. Steamed pork buns are absolutely amazing. Thai Chicken Karaage gives you a surprisingly large amount of food for next to nothing, and it’s delicious. I’ve yet to try the newest edition at Shangri-La, but hope to soon.

·         Pig Vicious

o   It’s a bacon trailer, dammit!

·         Gourdough’s

o   The Frankenstein monster of all donuts. They take a huge, freshly fried donut, and top it with anything you could possibly imagine. You eat one and you are done for the day. Granny’s Pie is my personal favorite, with bananas, pecans, graham cracker crumbles, and caramel sauce. It’s a freaking beast too.   

·         Peached Tortilla

o   Kickass little taco truck behind Star Bar doing some really interesting, nontraditional tacos. The banh mi taco and BBQ brisket tacos are definitely favorites. I’ve heard they have one of the best veggie tacos in town.

·         Coreanos / Chilantro

o   They’re basically the same thing. I think Chilantro may have a slight advantage. Korean BBQ tacos are freaking awesome. One of the few places I would actually recommend a tofu-anything, because they do it so damn well. And I was stuck eating it during SXSW on a Friday during lent and was really impressed. The fries, loaded with goodness, and covered in sauce are the real winners at both trucks.

Burgers / Bar Food

·         Jackalope

o   Best burger in Austin. It’s a fat burger, and on a good day, cooked to a perfect medium. It’s in one of my favorite dive bars anywhere, and the beer selection ain’t too shabby either. The chipotle bacon burger is about the only thing you need to know, with an order of waffle fries. On Wednesdays they do 2for1 burgers. Great freaking deal.

·         Your Mom’s Burgers

o   Some mad scientist had his way with these burgers. They stuff all of their burgers with some insane combination of cheese, meats, sauces, and then grill them and top them with some other insane combination of meats, sauces, and veg. It’s…insane. The Frida Kahlo – ½ lb burger stuffed with monterrey jack and chorizo, topped off w/ a fried egg, lettuce, tomato, onion, guacamole, & chipotle lime spread on a toasted bun. Yeah…

·         Frank

o   Gourmet dogs. A criminal obsession with topping waffle fries with all forms of awesomeness. Bacon infused makers and bacon infused Tito’s. I am a fat man. I pig the fuck out here.

·         Pluckers

o   Great wings. If you disagree, you don’t like wings. It’s also a great sports bar. This is my blog. It’s called Fat Kid Field Trip. The inclusion of Pluckers “The home of the freshmen 15” should be no surprise to you.

Italian:

Because I put my own cooking of Italian food on such a high pedestal, I rarely am happy eating Italian out. Italian food is just so simple to prepare it baffles me how often it is screwed up. And don’t even get me started about how hard it is to find good gnocchi or risotto…

·         Asti

o   Head and shoulders above the rest of the Italian food I have had in Austin. Great ambiance (modern, relaxed, albeit a bit loud), excellent preparation, reasonable prices for the quality. Asti is the only place on the planet that has a Caprese salad on par (or better) than Café de Flore on Boulevard Saint-Germain in Paris – knowing what sentimental value I have attached with that meal should tell you how mind-blowingly good the Caprese is at Asti.

·         Trattoria Lisina

o   Worth the drive to Driftwood. Located on the old Mandola Winery (I believe the winery has since been sold, but the restaurant remains), it is owned and operated by the same folks who started Mandola’s market, and Carrabbas – except they knock it out of the park. Their antipasto plate is pretty epic, and on 3 separate occasions there everything has been spot on. The veal marsala was a highlight. Beyond its lengthy drive from Austin and limiting hours, the biggest criticism I can give them is the décor and ambience. You always wish they would create the illusion it was something family owned, or built for something other than mass production. They do their best to hide the fact it is part of a chain, but if you pay attention you can tell the mastermind behind its design was thinking about maximizing tables and turns, rather than quality of experience.

·         Mandola’s

o   I love it for a “what can I get fast and relatively cheap” option. Nothing here is exceptional, but nothing is done poorly. You walk up to a counter, order food, and it’s delivered to your number rather quickly. Not much more to it, but I feel it deserves mention as the one affordable Italian option in town.

·         Enoteca Vespaio

o   Good, but overpriced. I have yet to go to their mother restaurant Vespaio, but it’s on the list of places to try. Solid food for sure.

Spanish:

·         Fino

o   Coincidentally owned by the same folks as Asti above, Fino is the only Spanish restaurant worth a shit in town. And from the few bites I’ve had, it’s quite good to spectacular (Chorizo Stuffed Medjool Dates). I’m head over heels in love with all things Spanish. I’m also really fucking good at cooking Spanish food, so if I can walk circles around you in the kitchen, why would I ever pay you 4x my costs to eat it at your restaurant? I have to applaud Fino, much like Asti for blowing me away from time to time in an area that is nearly impossible to impress me. 

The “Worth Reconsideration” List:

·         Franklin BBQ

o   Look, I’ve tried this place 4 times and had nothing but a mediocre BBQ experience in comparison with my Top 5 List. The brisket had the texture of meat pudding, the smoke flavor wasn’t pronounced enough for my taste, the ribs were good (but not great), the sausage was about the same, but the pulled pork was pretty awesome. Still better/best in Austin, but not nearly worth the rave reviews and hassle. If I’m going to wait 45+ minutes for ‘que there is no reason I won’t just hop in my car and drive to Lockhart/Luling. The Jackass at Bon Appetite calling it the Best BBQ in America needs to beaten mercilessly for that statement. BUT it’s been nearly a year, and some trusted BBQ sources have told me it’s gotten much better, and a lot of the issues I’ve spoken about have gone to the side. Look for a full posting the next time I take the leap of faith and set myself up for disappointment.

The “Stay the Fuck Away” List:

Overrated food. Over-priced to hell. Stuffy without reason. A gargantuan portion of food for next to nothing but still just isn’t that tasty. That’s how you get on this list. It’s also a 6000+ word post, and all of this enthusiasm needs to allow my snarkiness to come out somehow.

·         Ranch 616

o   WTF was this place thinking? I know they are trying to have the “Austin-chic” vibe, with the Virgin Mary painting hanging below a pair of Longhorns. But the food doesn’t need to resemble your décor. Who on earth wants a 16oz steak with a seafood taquito, covered in chili? No one. Especially when it’s in the $30 range. It wouldn’t be so bad if each of the individual components were phenomenal, but everything is so hit or miss you wonder what kind of stoner nightmare you’ve entered whenever you eat at Ranch 616. You know a restaurant is bad when you’ve had someone else pick up the tab every time you’ve eaten there and still walked away saying “wtf”. Great location, though.

·         Paggi House

o   Lost in time. This is a place that seems to have rested on its laurels for years, banking on an amazing patio, solid reputation, and phenomenal location. The interior is just plain odd, with some of the worst artwork I’ve seen in a while (that might just be personal bias). The service was abysmal during my last adventure, both slow and confused, with one waiter only dedicated to drink orders, while someone else entirely covered our food. My mushroom risotto was so bland and textureless it was nearly inedible. The risotto was nearly standing up it was so stiff (a cardinal sin, they need to “ooze”), and the “delicate” flavor of the mushrooms was nearly non-existent, although I could see the mushrooms which was nice. Dessert was pretty tasty though.

·         Maria, Maria

o   It’s a chain of restaurants owned by Carlos Santana. I shouldn’t be picking on this place, because you already know what you’re getting into before you sit down, but damn I want to discourage people from eating here. Walk the extra 3 blocks, shell out an additional $10 a head, and prepare for a mind-blowing experience at La Condesa instead.

·         Kenichi

o   All sizzle, no steak. This is sushi made for people who like to talk about eating at sushi restaurants more than the actual Sushi itself. For the guy who wants to impress the girl with the fancy restaurant with huge price tags and a sexy décor and mood lighting. And things like strawberries in a fucking sushi roll. This is for people who equate class with money. This is the restaurant for your Dallas crowd.

·         Zoot

o   A restaurant that just lacked soul. Technically proficient, the dishes were well executed. Over a 5 course tasting menu, the technical capabilities of the chefs was never in question. Perfect temperature on a steak, perfectly even and symmetrical slices of tomatoes, beautiful presentation, all of these things are the calling card of someone who takes their profession very seriously. Sadly, it all just seemed to be so half-assed in the flavor and originality department I started to wonder why on earth I drove nearly to Beecaves to eat there. When you lack salt, acid, flavor, across nearly every dish, but it’s technically flawless, I begin to wonder exactly why you are in a kitchen at all.

·         Juan in a Million

o   This ought to ruffle some feathers. It’s just not that good. Come clean – if the Don Juan was $5, $6, $7, would there be the cult following for the food? If you answer yes, I question your taste. If you answer no, you see why I really loathe this place. Instead of paying $3.25 for a mediocre Don Juan, I’d just as rather pay ~$5 for two Torchy’s breakfast tacos and get about the same volume of food, just better in every way possible. So much better I’d argue they aren’t even playing the same game. And if you’re like me, and foolishly ordered a non Don Juan menu item in the past, you might be wondering why on earth they even have a menu.

·         Madam Mams

o   I get it. It’s on the drag, and it’s cheap. And there isn’t really much/any Thai food in Austin. But much like Vietnamese food, Thai food is all about freshness of ingredients and balance of flavors. You want the freshness of everything you are eating to just sing at you. I can’t think of a single thing I’ve ever had at Madam Mams that embraces that dedication to freshness. Stay away from their curry. Its bad news bears. Much like the rest of their menu.

Once again, I’m pretty awful at this blogging thing. This is way longer than any blog should ever be. Maybe next time I’ll break it out?

Thanks for stickin with me, crew.

-Dutch

Why My Food Always Tastes Good: Foundations Matter

My birthday was earlier this month, and my parents got me a couple of cooking classes at Central Market as presents. I was able to choose the classes I wanted to attend, and being that it was Passport Spain (a 2 week extravaganza dedicated all things Spanish), I was able to pick classes with my two favorite winemakers on the planet, Alvaro Palacios (of Alvaro Palacios in Priorat, and Palacios Remondo in Rioja) and Albert Costa (of Vall Llach also in Priorat).

The classes were great for two reasons. First and foremost, I was able to taste a variety of their wines. They are sinfully good, every last one of them; and reasonably affordable considering the quality. Secondly - I was able to personally meet the winemakers, and got a verbal promise from each to give me a personal tour of their vineyards the next time I am in Priorat. I have both of their business cards and soon won't forget this promise...so I fully expect to hold them to it.

One of the best wines I've ever tasted

The classes weren't so great for a number of reasons. Mainly it was my utter shock over the number of people who were totally clueless: “Food bloggers” in the class who were constantly stirring the shit out of everything that hit a pan. People “pressing” meat into a pan like that jackass trying to squeeze the juices out of a burger at a 4^th of July cookout. Young professionals, many of those who were on dates, that were trying to sear/brown meat in pans that were barely on medium. Folks throwing things into pans that weren’t hot yet. People freaking out about a “recipe” and exact measurements and order of operations to a nearly OCD level.

These are the reasons folks should be attending cooking class, not to learn how to make “Spanish food”, or learn a new recipe/style. Cooking shows, youtube, and recipes found in magazines or online could do basically the exact same thing for you at a fraction of the cost. For better or worse the instructors were primarily tasked with instilling wisdom where possible, and getting the meals finished so we could eat the final product and drink some fantastic wines.

But it got me thinking: How many people don’t know the essentials? The things that aren’t even tips or tricks really, but just instinctual cooking basics. The equivalent of me breathing while I’m in the kitchen – I never think about it, my body does it automatically, and if it didn’t I would be dead by now.

Build Blocks...

Fellow food blogger and good family friend Angie at Food Muses had a similar thought last week – what are my limitations and where do I have my fundamentals down pat? I’ve been all about fundamentals in cooking for the past 18 months or so. After a number of botched attempts at new flavor combinations, or preparations of cooking food that were entirely unconventional, I realized there was absolutely no shame in learning the most authentic, and truest form of a recipe or preparation. That’s why everyone loves Grandma’s cooking so much, and people make boastful claims about “the recipe hasn’t changed in decades”: the foundation is there, and the art becomes faithful replication of perfect technique. It’s become like breathing.

So where does that lead me, and you, my faithful readers? Another list of bullets, commentary, and future posts about my fundamentals, tips, and tricks. Another chance for me to rant, and a few more chances to completely contradict myself by telling you something that defies conventional wisdom but just works.

Foundation to Great Cooking:

·         Don’t Cut Corners – This is probably where I lose half of the readers, if they even made it this far. And I don’t care. If you make it past that simple statement your food will taste infinitely better. When you have the chance to peel your own fresh garlic, squeeze your own lime juice (looking at you, Seth), make your own chicken stock, roast your own peppers, etc – DO IT! It may cost a bit more, or take a bit more time, but the results will carry some serious ROI. I spent two.fucking.hours. making a roux for gumbo. It consisted of stirring oil and flour over medium heat. That’s it. For two hours. The end product was a gumbo worthy of Creole praise – a nearly perfect end product that didn’t take much more than stirring and patience. And for the love of God, at least own one good chef’s knife (and spend no less than $50-$60 on that one knife), and at least one good pot. The next time I’m in your kitchen and see that fake metal BS, I’ll stab you with your shitty 17 knife set that cost you $20 and barely be able to break skin with any of them. The one that finally cuts through will break off it’s poorly made handle and not even the doctors will be able to get it out. How the hell do you expect to cook with that?

·         Stop Being Fearful of Your Food – It doesn’t want to burn. It doesn’t want to stick to the pan. It doesn’t want to boil over. It doesn’t want to crack, or dry out, or jump out of the oven. So please, for the love of God, stop feeling the need to always peak into a covered pot, open a hot oven, constantly stir everything in a pan, or flip/poke/prod your food. There are exactly three things on this planet that I can think of that require that kind of constant attention: the aforementioned dark roux, risotto, and polenta. You must stir constantly, or it burns, or it sucks as an end product, or it doesn’t retain proper texture. The rest? Learn what the maximum amount of stirring/attention that item needs and ONLY pay it that. As the saying goes - [it] already died, you don't need to kill it again.

o   When you’re grilling, sautéing, roasting, frying, etc you probably only need to turn/move your meat 2 times, maybe 4-5 depending on what you’re cooking and how many sides. Long story short, when you cook something, anything, the more you move it, the less it caramelizes. Caramelization is good, it draws out the natural sweetness and flavor of your food. It’s the reason the only foods you ever crave boiled are shellfish.

o   Whenever you turn things too many times it causes the juices to run from the hot side (that used to be on the heat) to the cool side. Turning meats only as many times as you absolutely need to cooks the meat faster, promotes better browning/caramelization, and juicier meat. If you see me turn a steak/chicken breast/pork chop more than twice it’s an exceptionally large cut of meat and needs to cook on another end to promote even doneness. It’s not me fidgeting.

o   If you are one of those people who constantly stirs a pot, put your spoon down and walk away. Just do it. You will get no flavor out of your ingredients by constantly fiddling with them. They won’t burn – just keep an eye on it.

o   Intentionally (or unintentionally) screw some stuff up. Figure out what you screwed up, and more importantly what you didn’t like about it when it was screwed up. It’ll teach you a lesson, and the next time you’re instinctually going to do it better. Just don’t be afraid – it’s a learning process. A delicious learning process. Be as critical of yourself as you need to improve, but not to discourage yourself.

·         Use All of Your Senses: You have 5 senses. Use all of them while cooking. It takes a bit of training, but each of them has their own role. Learn what each dish needs to taste, smell, look, feel, and sound like along each step of the process. You’d be amazed what each sense can tell you separately. You’d also be amazed how inaccurate all of them all on their own. Ever seen a chef/critic do a blind taste test, or have someone cook without their sense of smell? Again – you may not catch on immediately, but there are always warnings that something needs to be stirred, that a pan is on too hot (or not hot enough), that the dish is done, or even though the recipe called for 40 minutes, it may need another 5/10/15.

o   Taste Your Food: Sounds OBVIOUS right? Then why on earth don’t you do it while you’re cooking? Taste your sauces, marinades, salads, soups, mashed potatoes, etc during the process. Check for salt, spice, acidity. Adjust when you know it needs more or less of something, counterbalance with flavors. Rescue a dish that’s gone overboard. Taste tells you as much as you could possibly ask – so ask.

o   Smell Your Food: Taste is 70% smell. Seriously. It’s the reason why nothing tastes worth a damn when you’re sick, and why you should never, under any circumstances, light scented candles during a good meal. It’s the sense that can tell you the most about your food independent of the other senses, including taste. Get your nose in there and start to smell everything: marinades, soups, spices, dry rubs, meats, veggies. Does your nose want spice? Acidity? Does it smell like it’s burning? It’s caramelized? Does this smell remind of you of that time you unintentionally fucked up the roux and everything tasted burnt? Once you become a ninja master you can start experimenting based on smell. I “make up” spice blends, marinades, and salad dressings all the time based on complimentary smells.

o   Listen to Your Food: You can hear a pan that’s dry and hot without even trying. You can hear food about to burn, slightly burning, and too burnt, without even trying. Sizzles, snaps, hisses, boil, crunch, mush…all useful, all can be used to your advantage. If it sounds like nothing is going on, there’s a good chance you might be right – and it’s time to turn up the heat. The snap and crunch of your veggies as you cut them is a good indicator of how fresh they are. As important as sound is in cooking, silence makes me crazy in a kitchen and I need some good, loud music, to accompany me, and I suggest you do the same. If you’re enjoying the whole experience the food will taste better. I guarantee it.

o   Touch Your Food: And I don’t mean play with it. Youtube a video showing you how to test the doneness of a piece of meat just by touching it. No meat thermometers required. Use your hands to mix when appropriate. So long as your hands are washed it shouldn’t gross you or your guests out – so get in there! Picking out the best, freshest, most desirable groceries has a huge impact on your final product. Knock on a loaf of bread, bend and poke and prod your produce to make sure it’s up to standard. Squeeze all your lemons and limes to make sure they aren’t hard as a rock. If they are, they won’t give you any juice, and are essentially worthless. Learn what the correct thickness of a sauce or a soup or a dressing is as you stir it, and use that to determine doneness.

o   Look at Your Food: With experience you’ll know it’s time to flip a steak or fish by seeing how far the heat has penetrated the sides of the meat. You’ll notice when a pan is looking a little dry and could use a splash of water/stock/etc. Oil smoking in a pan might mean that it’s just the right time to add your food to a pan, or that it’s entirely too hot, depending on what you are trying to accomplish. This is one of the more reactionary senses, as you are either modifying or correcting something in progress. Sight may be the sense that is the least useful on it’s own, so pay respect to what your nose, mouth, and ears are telling you before trusting sight and sight alone.

·         Properly Salt Your Food: This means before, during, and after you cook, but not on the table with a shaker in your hand. Just about everything on this planet needs salt. It’s a scientific fact that salt makes foods taste more like themselves, alters the texture, and changes the aroma of everything it touches. Desserts need Salt. Steak needs salt. Veggies need salt. Potatoes, more than anything on this planet need salt. Use the right kind of salt (aka keep your Morton’s salt for baking, and buy kosher or sea salt for EVERYTHING else). Salt in layers. That means different ingredients may need salt at different stages in the cooking process. Meats almost always need salting before hitting the heat, veggies need it shortly after being introduced to heat, and some dishes need it in the dish and on top as well. Learn these things, and if you are ever confused – ask someone who might know, aka me. Salt meats well in advance of grilling (like 15-30 minutes). Salt veggies once you’ve started cooking them or very close to serving – the salt leaches out the water from the veggies and makes them soft and wilted. If you’re cooking the veggies, this speeds up the process and helps the veggies sweat.

·         Heat Your Cooking Surface Before Using It: Don’t start anything in a cold oven, cold pan, cold grill, cold oil. Ok, maybe a few things like chicken stock, but that’s beside the point. It won’t caramelize, will likely turn out soggy, and will take a lifetime to cook. Turn on your heat, wait for the pan/surface to get to the right temp, and then add your food. I saw someone just throw shit into a mostly cold plan at the Central Market cooking class and damn near slapped them. This is the reason mom would always make those tiny “test” pancakes on Saturday morning before making a real batch. She was testing the heat. Using your sense of touch, you can always put your hand over a pan or pot or fire (not actually touching it, mind you) and get the relative heat of the surface before ever adding a thing to it. My dad taught me this trick, and I’ve used it any time I’ve sautéed, browned meat, or started a charcoal grill.

I feel like I’ve published a short novel at this point. I’m going to be surprised if anyone has read this far, and I commend you for sticking with it. There’s so much more, tips that are geared towards specific dishes and techniques, but this is the foundation, and without it you’re stuck trying to build the Taj Mahal when you haven’t mastered building a treehouse.

Comments are always greatly appreciated. Happy cooking, y’all.

Gumbo: A 2 Hour Roux and the Soul of an Old Black Woman

Today is the Monday after Easter. My folks live in Minneapolis, and I live in the fine city of Austin. I got a call from my mom today where between my mom, dad, and I spent 20+ minutes talking about what we ate for Easter dinner, and how it turned out. Easter Sunday we spent somewhere in that ballpark talking about what we were going to eat later that afternoon. I'm pretty sure I had a conversation with someone earlier in the week - talking about the meal and specifically what they were doing for dessert.

Is it any surprise I turned out the way I did? That I have a food blog; that my obsession with food is for better or worse one of my defining characteristics; that I talk about food while eating food; that I spend 45 minutes on a treadmill thinking about food every time I'm at the gym?

Easter Sunday in my family almost inevitably means a ham. My dad, in particular, loves to go all evil scientist with his hams: studding them with cloves, smoking them, grilling them, THEN baking them in some insane concoction loaded with fruit and spices. And it's fantastic. I think he told me on the phone this year it was just his "standard" sauce with apricots and beer and dijon and a ton of different spices. The discussion about my mom's potatoes, and the desert carried on for quite some time as well.

For some reason, though, I decided that this Easter I needed to make a gumbo. And not just a gumbo, but the best damn gumbo someone as pigmentally challenged as myself could throw together. Maybe I was just yearning it, maybe it was Treme coming on the same night (had a lot to do with it), or maybe it was the only way I could get the absolutely horrible gumbo my friend made a few weeks back out of my head.

I've only made gumbo once before. It was good, but nothing worth bragging about. Proportions were a bit out of whack, my shrimp stock wasn't great, and most crucially - the roux needed to get another 2-3 shades darker before I fully committed. What I did retain from that gumbo about 2 years ago was the process - I picked up the rest from about 3-4 different recipes I looked at.

The results were stellar. It was a true labor of love, with the total combined time (between all prep, stock making, etc) being in the 6 hour time frame, I can understand why they call it soul-food. Asa, seeing me spend 2 hours perched up on my counter, stirring constantly, gave me a bit of grief. Upon tasting the first bite, he exclaimed I "had the soul of an old black woman". Probably the best compliment someone can give you in those circumstances...

With no intention of writing a post on Gumbo I set off on my journey, and forgot to take pictures. My apologies for a vanilla post.

The Gumbo Process:

Basically it all starts with your shopping list. Are you doing meat or seafood? I chose seafood and the rest is dictated by that choice.

Step 1 - Buy Shrimp With the Shells On. Without shells you can't make your stock. Like just about everything else you cook on the planet, water alone will likely be a very poor and flavorless substitute for a rich stock. The stock (recipe below) only took about 45 minutes to an hour (maybe a few minutes longer, add an additional 15 for peeling the scrimp) to come together, but it was entirely worth it.

Step 2 - Buy Real Andouille Sausage (smoked). You can buy raw Andouille from a number of stores, but unless you plan on smoking it yourself, it just won't give you the same texture and flavor. I used Aidel's because it was what I could find on hand - but use what you can get.

Step 3 - Do all of your prep in advance. Chop all your veggies. Chop you sausage. Make your spice mix. Prepare your stock well in advance, and make sure it's hot before adding to the roux. Get all of your measurements down (if that's what you do). When you spend upwards of 2 hours to make a perfect roux, and things can burn at ANY second (in which case you have to start over), do you really want to start chopping veggies or mixing spices? Do you want to be forced to use plain water so your roux doesn't burn because the stock isn't ready - or you haven't strained it yet?

Step 4 - Make a perfect roux. The most critical step, and the most antagonizing. Frankly, it's not difficult so much as it is tedious. This is where the soul in soul food comes from. My roux took me 2 hours - of constant stirring, never leaving the pot unattended for more than 15 seconds at a time. If you allow even the slightest amount of the roux to burn your whole dish is toast and you have to start the fuck over again. General consensus is to start with medium hot oil, whisk in your flour and continue on medium heat until it turns to a shade just darker than a milk chocolate bar - almost a reddish brown. I saw a technique to do a 12 minute roux which i tried for fun and failed at miserably. That's some roux-ninja shit I won't develop for quite some time.

Step 5 - Time your seafood. The stock and veggies may need to boil for 1.5-2hours, but the seafood really only needs 15-20 minutes. As opposed to stews like a green chili pork stew where the meat almost dissolves into the sauce, your seafood will just end up getting tough and nasty if you throw it in too early. Have patience, grasshopper.

Step 6 - Cook your rice with extra shrimp stock/chicken stock. A trick my family has been doing for years, just substitute the stock for water. It will add such an incredible amount of flavor to your rice...I barely cook rice without stock anymore. I also add about a cap-full of rice wine vinegar or other vinegar (white wine/apple cider/etc) to the party. Not essential, but you won't go back to making normal rice anytime soon.

On to the recipe:

I used a 7qt Le Creuset Dutch Oven, and it was nearly full. Use a heavy pot..it makes a difference. Feeds 10-12

Shrimp, Crab, Andouille, and Okra Gumbo:

2 Onions 

3-4 Stalks of Celery

1 Green Bell Pepper

1 Red Bell Pepper

3-4 Ripe Tomatoes (~1 lb)

6 Cloves of Garlic

1 lb of Okra

12oz Andouille Sausage

2 lbs of 31-53ct Shrimp Shelled

.5 lb of Lump Crab Meat

6 Bay Leaves

Salt and Pepper

.5 tbls Thyme

.5 tbls Cayenne

3-4 tbls Cajun Seasoning (recipe below)

4 qts shrimp stock? (imprecise measurement...recipe below)

Canola Oil

3 cups of rice

Crystal hot sauce

Red/Brown Roux:

1.5 cups of AP Flour

1.25 cups of Canola Oil

Dice the onions, celery, peppers and garlic. Keep the onions separate from the other vegetables. Dice the tomatoes and season with salt and pepper. Cut your andouille into half moons and set aside. Slice your okra into rounds 1/8-1/4 an inch thick and set aside.

Begin your roux. - Note - there are tons of great articles on making a roux which I'll let you research yourself. Do what you feel most comfortable with. Heat a pan over medium-medium high heat. Add your oil. Once the oil begins to shimmer and slightly smoke, whisk in your flour. Continue whisking constantly for the next 45-90 minutes. Yeah - you may want to turn your phone off and take a bathroom break. You will see the oil and flour roux turn from pale, to a creamy yellow, to a light "peanut butter" stage, to something resembling milk chocolate, to a dark chocolate reddish/brown color, at which point its done. 

All of the good recipes give approximate times, but so much is variable, that the color is an indicator rather than time. For me, it took almost 2 hours, but my le creuset was being a bit temperamental and the wooden spoon I was using may have been almost too effective. Or my heat may not have been high enough with such a heavy pan. Either way about 30-45 minute should get you near a peanut butter stage, 50-70 minutes a milk chocolate, and 70-90 an almost burnt looking roux. 

The texture the whole time should be liquidy, but not oil-y per se, and never clumpy. It should smell nutty, but not burning. Please note that the darker it gets, the more flavor it will have, but the less thickening power the end product will have as well. It may seem like a lot of roux, but at this dark of a color, you may only have 1/4 the thickening power you were with in the peanut butter stage.

Once your roux reaches the correct color, add your onions. Stir it in well. This is a magical phase as the onions and roux get much darker very quickly, and almost form a caramel like texture. Allow them to cook for 5 minutes, stirring relatively frequently. Add your peppers, celery, and garlic, and cook for another 5 minutes or so. Add your diced tomatoes and juices, spices and spice mixture, and bay leaves and allow to cook for 3-4 minutes. Those who like it hot can add quite a bit of cayenne (as i have listed in the recipe), or you can taste as you go along. The toasted spices make a difference.

Take hot shrimp stock, and add just enough to cover the roux and veggies. stir in, wait for it to come to a boil, and then add the rest of the stock. Turn the heat up to high, and bring everything to a boil for about 5 minutes, and turn down to a simmer. Skim the fat off the top (there will be some) every so often.

In a large frying pan, heat a bit of canola oil on high, and brown your andouille. Throw the sausage into the gumbo, leaving the excess oil in the frying pan. Add a bit more oil, and stir fry your okra. This helps cook the okra, as well as remove some of the sliminess. Depending on the size of your pan, you may need to do this in 2-3 batches. It should take about 5-8 minutes per batch, depending on the size of your pan, heat, and sliminess of okra. Throw the okra into the gumbo.

Boil the gumbo for around an hour, tasting for doneness of vegetables and seasoning. Begin to cook your rice. When there is about 20 minutes of total cook time left on your rice, add the 2 lbs of shrimp. With about 10 minutes left, add your lump crab. When the rice is done - fluff it, and serve. Garnish liberally with hot sauce.

Shrimp Stock

Shells from 2 lbs

1 onion - rough dice with skin still on

2 celery - rough dice - with leaves

Carrots - rough dice

Cold water

Kosher Salt - at least a few tbls

Bay leaves

Chili flakes

Peppercorns

Combine all ingredients in a large pot (4-5 qt) with cold water and bring to a boil. Boil for 5 minutes, then turn down to a simmer and allow to simmer for 45-60 minutes. The broth should be fragrant and a pale yellow. Strain into a bowl, and chill immediately if you are not using it in the next 30 minutes.

Cajun Spice Blend

I'm pretty piss poor with measurements. Think of this more as a "proportion" or "measures" rather than exact amounts.

1.5 tbls Paprika

1.5 tbls Cayenne

1 tbls Kosher Salt

1 tbls Cracked Pepper

1 tbls Thyme

.5 tbls Mexican Orgeano

.5 tbls Onion Powder

.5 tbls Garlic Powder

.5 tbls Celery Salt

.25 tbls Savory

.25 tbls Allspice

Combine all thoroughly. If you don't have Savory or Allspice they are non-essential but add a really cool note to the dish. I also always have them in my pantry.

BBQ Field Trip #2: Luling City Market

Greetings fat kids! March was one hell of a month for me. Between Tahoe, SXSW, and my family coming into town in late March, I have probably taken a few years off of my life. But it was all worth it, despite some serious damage to my liver and fitness.

Last week my mom and brother were in town for the weekend. Luke was visiting college campuses trying to come to a final decision as to where he will be attending school next fall, and my Mom came with for the trip to Austin. Even though my family and I lived in Texas for 8 years, it was in Round Rock, and we didn't spend a lot of time exploring the gem that is Austin, TX. So every time they are in town, I love to act as an ambassador/tour guide - exploring the restaurants and sights we missed while living in the burbs. This definitely includes a BBQ road trip every time they are in town. Last time it was a trip to Coopers for my graduation dinner. This time it was City Market in Luling.

The trip began at my house at 11:30 on Saturday morning. As I have mentioned previously, the 11:30 departure was crucial as the BBQ bewitching hour happens somewhere between 11:30 and 1; and if I am going to make an hour (or longer) drive each direction for BBQ, it better be at it's best! As usual, there were a bunch of "tentatives" that had partied a little too hardy to make the pilgrimage on a Saturday morning, leaving us with a comfortable group of 6: Asa, Corey, Mom, Luke, Adam Salamon, and I. Asa and Corey drove down in Asa's car, and the rest of us piled up (very comfortably) in Adam's Murano, and shot down 183 to Luling.

The drive down 183 south to Luling could not be more different than the drive up 71 to Llano (and Coopers). Where the drive to Coopers is hilly, beautiful, and entertaining, the drive down 183 to Luling is flat, desolate, and depressing. I actually feel like any trip to Coopers has the added benefit of the scenic drive. In the late spring (coming up very soon actually) the hills will be covered with wildflowers of all colors, painting an absolutely dreamy landscape to your left and right during the 90 minute drive. I wish I could say something even remotely similar for the drive to Luling, but being frank, you drive in a straight line for 60 minutes surrounded by some of the ugliest terrain in Central Texas. It's brown, dusty, desolate. If you're looking for evidence that Texas isn't the most naturally beautiful place on the planet, you wouldn't need to look much further than that strip of land. Word to the wise: bring along a good conversationist or some good music. It's gonna be a long drive.

The drive down 183 takes you right through Lockhart. Every time I go to Luling, it takes an unbelievable amount of will not to stop at Kreuz or Smitty's...if only for a "snack". Asa and Corey were a bit ahead of us, and started to get worried that we stopped in Lockhart and forgot to tell them. It's only an additional 15 minutes to get to Luling, and arguably worth it every single time. Still, temptation is a bitch.

We arrived in Luling, and immediately hopped into line. The smell hits you in the face as you walk in the front door. Although the smoke room is in the back (where you actually purchase the meat), the smell permeates the entire restaurant with it's glorious delectable perfume. It's an excellent aperitif, building the hunger as you wait for what seems like an eternity. We arrived a few minutes after 12:30 and had a moderate line in front of us. Maybe a 10-15 minute wait after the hour drive is actually lucky. The line continued to grow as we waited, and by the time we had ordered our food, was snaking around the entire dining room, probably a 30-40 minute wait near the back.

The smoke room is isolated, and with good reason. The pits are hot, the smoke is heavy, and after a few minutes in there you start to wonder if you are slowly becoming BBQ yourself. It's a cash only establishment, so there is an ATM located right outside the smoke room, your last hurdle to overcome before enjoying BBQ perfection. Once inside the smoke room, you have 3 options: Sausage, Brisket, and Ribs. I have to applaud Luling's simplicity, especially when compared to the extravagance of Cooper's. It's never a question of what you want (you want it all), it's just a question of how much. The Fat Kid standard? 4 ribs per person, 1-2 links of sausage per person (2 at Luling), 1/2 lb of brisket per person (go light on brisket at City Market). We ended up spending about 5+ minutes in the smoke room, waiting on the two MASSIVE orders in front of us. One guy's bill ran over $200. The smoke was too intense, and my momma had to step out for a minute or two until we could actually order.

The pits in the smoke room. Epic.

After the crew got their orders we snagged a table in the back to dig in. Common with a lot of BBQ joints, you order meat in one place, and sides/drinks/etc in another. I personally believe this is because sides really deserve second class treatment. You don't need them. You probably shouldn't order them. Even drinks are usually superfluous. Hopefully this anecdote can illustrate my point: My mom picked up 4 beers (for 3 people) and we actually had to argue who was going to drink the last free beer, because no one really wanted it. I can't remember the last time I passed up a free Shiner. Ever. And sides just fill you up...so why bother?

Yeah

I could very comfortably claim City Market has the best ribs, the best sausage, and the best sauce on the planet. Any one of those 3 elements alone would be worth the drive. the ribs are barky. Every single one was perfectly barky. Every.single.one. How is that possible? Tender, but still retaining their texture, with the addictive bark on the top is just not possible on every rib. Yet they accomplished it. Mesmerizingly smokey, slightly salty (but not overly pronounced like many other places), just perfect.

The sausage is a revelation. The best BBQ sausage I've ever had. Better than the ribs, even. Literally exploding with grease, these sausages are in no way good for you. The texture is perfectly crumbly, the smoke flavor unparalleled, the fat permeating every piece of the sausage. I feel like I should be writing soliloquies about this sausage, singing every one of it's praises, pointing out ever intricacy of it's flavor. But I have neither the skill nor patience to do that, so I feel like you just need to trust me on this one: best.sausage.ever. 

Which leads us to the sauce. The sauce of the gods. It's mustard based. It's sweet. It's very tangy. It's got a bit of spice to it. You don't feel like you're drinking liquid fat like with the Salt Lick's sauce. If that's the easiest frame of reference for this review, then imagine the Salt Lick's sauce. Now amplify all of it's characteristics. It's bigger, it's bolder, it's got more zip, but still is far more balanced and light than the Salt Lick's sauce. It's a perfect compliment to City Market's heavy smokiness and absurd fattiness. It cuts through the heaviness and adds it's own twangy goodness without overpowering. It could easily steal the show (and frankly does, in a lot of ways), but is only a part of the equation making up the perfect rib or the perfect sausage. It's the stuff that dreams are made of. Oh, and you can buy a quart of the sauce at the front for $3.50. Worth it, every time.

Lastly - the brisket. Now don't get me wrong. Their brisket is in no way bad. It's actually quite good. But it's just not elite. Not anything like the ribs. Not anything like the sausage. Not anything like the sauce. The sauce can actually make it taste quite amazing, but it needs the sauce. Which is a critical shortcoming for BBQ. The brisket is a bit tougher than you'd like from a place like City Market. It's also a bit leaner than you'd expect. Think of something more resembling a slice from one of the larger, more commercial places. The smoke flavor is nice (but not as heavy as the other meats at City Market), but still not over the top quite like that of Cooper's, Snow's, or Kreuz. I wouldn't say that you need to avoid the brisket, but given the option of only 2 of the 3, I'd never even consider getting the brisket. My general rule of thumb with 1/2 lb of brisket per person doubles when you go to Cooper's (because it's just.that.damn.good), and gets cut in half at Luling, because you are better off getting double or triple the sausage you thought you wanted.

We drove home, sluggishly, meat coma in full effect. The crew was absolutely floored by the meal, just as I was, and ready to nap away the afternoon. And so we did.

The more I write this review, the more I am convinced that Luling City Market is the perfect counterpoint to Cooper's. Cooper's has the greatest brisket known to man, and some of the worst BBQ sausage I've ever had. It's foil, City Market, has the greatest sausage, and shockingly mediocre brisket. Cooper's is still my favorite, still the champ, but the change of pace at Luling City Market is a beautiful thing. As a last note, I will eventually revisit Lockhart. But for the time being - if you're making the drive to Lockhart, you might as well just continue on another 15 minutes. It's worth it.

Announcing Saturday's Field Trip: Luling City Market

Fat Kids,

It's time to get on the bus, this Saturday 3/23/11 as we head to Luling City Market for some of the best BBQ on the planet. My mom and brother are in town for the weekend all the way from Minneapolis, so there is no better time to go than now. It's spring, the weather will be beautiful, and I couldn't think of a better way to spend a Saturday afternoon with family and friends than driving to Luling for some grub.

We are rallying at my house on the east side at 11:15am on Saturday, and rolling out at 11:30am sharp. As you may recall from my BBQ ranting, this should leave us plenty of time to arrive during the bewitching hours between 11:30-1.

Share this with friends, and comment on the blog below if you want to come. I'll email you back the details later.


-Dutch

SXSW Grub

Well, it's finally upon us. SXSW is probably the greatest thing about living in Austin, with firm competition from Texas Football and accessibility to Hill Country BBQ. The music festival is my 4 favorite days of the year, every year, even when I am so lucky as to make it to Spain that year. It's just sensory overload in every way, from the tens (if not hundreds) of thousands who flock to downtown during the festival, to the strangest array of people, performers, and venues you will find everywhere, SXSW is frustrating, glorious, and unrivaled in uniqueness. It's the most Austin-ey thing about Austin, and if you play it right, pure bliss.

It's also one of the few days a year where food is not a top priority, and I refuse to go out of my way to get something I really want. Time is short, money is spent on tips, booze, and petty cabs, and frankly you just want some instant gratification. The SXSW diet is pretty simple: give me something that can do one of 3 things:

1) Get rid of my hunger
2) Get rid of my hangover
3) Help prevent 1 and 2

Here's a list of places to grab a bite to eat (arranged by location, for ease of use):
* please note that I am not sure if any carts are moving locations due to SXSW. I hope they are in the same places all weekend

Red River Area:

1. Kebabalicious - 7th between Nuches and Trininy
1. The holy triumphant. The Muhammad Ali of Austin food trucks. I can't stress how.fucking.good. this kebab stand is. I ate here twice a day during SXSW last year. Once on my way downtown at about 2pm, and between shows at around 7-8. The perfect kebab. You lose at life if you don't make it a point to eat here if in the area, unless the line is long (and sometimes it takes 20+ minutes just to order).
2. Best Wurst - 6th and Red River
1. Does this belong on the Dirty 6 or Red River area? There's two locations so it's going on here twice. Best dog in town (sorry Frank). Doesn't matter what type of dog you get, it will be plump, filling, and delicious. Be sure and get everything on it (although I usually opt for extra mustard rather than the curry ketchup). Cash only?
3. Hoboken Pie Company - 8th and Red River
1. One of my favorite (if not overall favorite) streetza places downtown, they crank out mean slices on the cheap. Much better than your average slice, and a great call.
4. Austin Daily Press - 9th and Red River
1. Fucking awesome sandwiches out of an awesome food truck, although the wait is usually a pain in the ass. Your closest option for all Mohawk/Club DeVille shows
5. Some random BBQ trailer at the corner of 7th and Red River
1. I have never eaten here, but it smells infinitely better than the shit at Stubbs (which is passable at best). Cannot say whether it's safe, but given the option between that and the Roppolo's right next to it, you know what to do.
6. Koriente - 7th and Sabine
1. If you're looking for something a bit  healthier, and lower key (read, sit down).

 Dirty 6:

1.  The Jackalope - 6th and Trinity
1. Best burger in town, in one of the coolest bars in Austin. Their pizza is pretty fucking wicked too. Service may be a bit slow, but this one will stop you in it's tracks. $7 1/2lb burger is just insane.
2. The Chupacabra - 6th and Trinity
1. Sister bar/restaurant to Jackalope (they actually have the same owner and share the same kitchen). Takes a much more texmex approach to kickass bar food. The Jalapeno poppers are stuffed with pulled pork, and ridiculously awesome.
3. Best Wurst - 6th and San Jacinto
1. See above post on Best Wurst. I usually find this location a bit busier (more bars nearby) but you can throw any rules out the door for SXSW. 
4. Casino El Camino - 6th between Red River and Neches on the south side of the street
1. Another burger dive. It's awesome. But again, takes for ever.
5. Hoek's Death Metal Pizza - 6th between Red River and Neches on the south side of the street
1. The name says everything...
6. Parkside - 6th and San Jac
1. Classsy. I wouldn't recommend stopping by unless you want to see $200 fly out the door over a 2 hour meal. But why would I put it on the list? They are hosting a few SXSW parties, and there will be free food during those events. Check it out!
2. Ps. the sister restaurant located around the corner, Backspace is supposed to be incredible, and have one of the best pizzas in town.

West 6:

1. The Peached Tortilla -6th and Nueces
1. Super unique taco truck located behind Star Bar. Banh Mi and Brisket tacos are kick ass.
2. One Taco - 6th and Nueces
1. Located on the other side of Nueces from Star Bar. I love this place (especially when ultra drunk), with the Taco Norte and Gowalla taco being my favorites.
3. Whole Foods - 6th and Lamar
1. If you can make it this far west, probably the best place to unwind for a bit, get healthy, and try some kickass food. The fish bar in the back (next to the fish market) makes a great poboy. You can substitute the tilapia for any of the fish you buy at the fish bar, so last night I had a blackened shrimp poboy with some blackened potatoes for $10. Great meal.
4. 24 Diner - 6th and Lamar
1. Again, way too far west, but if you're in the area the chicken and waffles are to die for. A bit pricey, but damn fine food.

 4th Street:

1. Kebabalicious - 2nd and Congress
1. IF this location is open during SXSW (and I'm not sure why it wouldn't be), the walk is worth the effort
2. Frank - 4th and Colorado
1. Some of the best dogs in town. A bit pricey, and not terribly quick, but has an amazing drink menu (complete with bacon infused vodkas, and bacon infused maker's). Their dogs are all homemade, cooked to perfection, and sometimes incorporating all sorts of random meats and ingredients (antelope and rabbit, for instance).
3. All of the high end restaurants in the area are awesome, but do a bit of exploring and you can find something good and cheap within walkable distances.

Rainey Street / South of Convention Center :

1. G'raj Mahal - Davis St, between Red River and Rainey
1. Best Indian food in Austin, hands down, comes out of this unassuming trailer. Located directly across the street from Clive bar, it's good stop for anyone in the south convention center area. Pricey and slow are two major things going against it, but damn fine trailer food.
2. El Naranjo - Rainey St, just south of Davis
1. Possibly the best taco truck in Austin. The sizes might be a little small, but the food is absolutely stellar. Consider getting 3 tacos.
3. Bomb Tacos - inside of Lustre Pearl
1. Your classic dirty taco trailer. I love it. It may not be working, but if it is, be warned the food is so greasy, so good, and the sauce is so spicy. May cause indigestion :)
4. There is an eastern african food trailer next to G'raj Mahal that has always interested me, but I've never tried it. Let me know if it's any good!

Eastside:
You don't need my help here. Find a food truck. It will rock your world. Rinse and repeat. There is a food trailer park at 6th and with a billion great options.

The Calçotada: Spain's Answer to Hill Country BBQ

Welcome back to the Field Trip folks. After about a month without a fresh post, I present you one of the greatest culinary experiences imaginable, and a true field trip, as the only place on earth where I know this feast occurs is Catalonia (Spain). It's also the longest thing I may ever write on this blog, but well worth it.

Let me begin by talking about what I talk about best: Things Dutchie Likes. If you've ever met me, or spent time around me, or overheard a conversation where I was deeply engrossed in the subject matter, there's a really good chance it was about how much I love Spain, and especially Barcelona and the Catalan people. My first trip to Barcelona was 2.5 years ago, which was likely the 8 best consecutive days I have ever had in my life; I have been back a few more times since, and vow to make it back as often as possible. My friends from their foreign exchange in Austin, Toni, Manu, Xavi, and David (and later Nacho) have shown me the best parts of their city (which is the Greatest City on Earth, mind you), and allowed me to meet a number of their friends, see hidden spots, and eat only the best.

Bar Tomas - A hidden gem in Barcelona you won't find in tour guides

After my first trip to BCN and watching Tony Bourdain's trip to Spain on No Reservations (my favorite episode of TV's best show), I was dead set that I must try calçots, as quickly as possible. Fellow Fat Kid and Barcelona enthusiast, Leach, described the first time he tried a calçot while he was living in Barcelona as a food revelation. To steal again from Bourdain, every person who becomes seriously hooked on food will always remember their "first" time food became something more than simply enjoyment and turned into an obsession. For Bourdain it was eating an oyster as a boy, plucked from the sea in southern France. For Leach, it was a calçotada, in the same city (Valls) as I just had my first calçotada. For me, it was my first risotto, which to this day is still my absolute favorite food when prepared correctly.

I alerted Toni and Manu in January that I would be in London working for a week in February, flying to Barcelona at the end of the work week, and spending 36 hours there before flying back to Austin. As usual, I get a quick response welcoming me to their homes, and saying they have a few things planned for me. I don't really find out the agenda until a few days before I arrive in Barca, but when I do I couldn't be happier: Arrive in BCN at 10pm > Party @ Opium or Sutton > Sleep > Calçotada > Poker > Party in Sant Cugat > Airport > Back to Austin.

36 hours could not be better spent. So I arrive, we party, we sleep, we get up, and we are on our way to Valls, Catalonia for a calçotada. There are 10 of us on this excursion: Dutchie, Toni, Alex, Manu, Nacho, Albert, Jordi, Nacho2, David, and Xavi. In 4 separate cars we speed to Valls, the supposed birthplace of the calçotada.

Oh, it seems I got a bit excited and forgot to explain: What exactly is a calçotada/calçot?

 Calçots awaiting their ultimate fiery fate

A calçot is a cultivated onion that looks much like an oversided green onion or a leek, but tastes something like a cross between a cipollini onion and a leek. They have large, green, inedible, leafy portions at the top that look like the tops of a green onion/leek, but with a much larger "root" area at the bottom that is downright delicious. They are only available about half of the year (late November through April), so people tend to obsess about them when in season. The most famous way of eating a Calçot is roasted and dunked in romesco, although I have also had a preparation that was sauteed with Cepes (Spanish porcini mushrooms) that was excellent as well. Calçotadas are giant feasts solely focused around the calçot, with a bunch of traditional Catalan goodies thrown in for good measure.


Our restaurant and Valls itself are where the similarities between a life changing Texas BBQ excursion and a calçotada begin. Valls is a small town of about 2000 people, located along a scenic and hilly 60-90 minute drive from Barcelona. The locals are very Catalan, with a few of the guys in our crew joking that even though they live in Spain, there may be a few residents of this area that only speak the Catalan language. When calçots are in season, thousands flock upon the city every weekend to enjoy a world-class calçotada. They stuff their face on endless supplies of heavily smoke infused products, almost to the point of sickness. Although just about anyone in Catalonia can burn the main course (calçots) on a grill and serve it with the traditional sauce (romesco), people drive to great distances to have their burnt offerings and their sauce. Starting to see the similarities between this and Texas BBQ?

Xavi, our resident from Valls recommended Cal Ganxo as the best place to have a calçotada. I couldn't argue. We find out later that the family who owns and operates Cal Ganxo only works 6 months a year (calçot season), and vacations the other 6 months a year. Remember when I said there were thousands of people who come to Valls for calçotadas every weekend? There must have been 200 cars in the parking lot at 3pm, and they do multiple seatings every day they are open.

One of the many quaint, family style dining halls at Cal Ganxo. They have a few just like this or larger on each of the restaurant's stories

Leading up to the restaurant you actually get to see the calçots roasting. It's quite a sight, similar to the open pits at Smitty's Market as you walk in. Tremendous heat, open, roaring flames, and your lunch sitting right in front of you, charring away. The stacks of grape vines lie meters high and meters wide, again reminding me of the thousands of pounds of wood sitting alongside Kruez market's walls, waiting to imbibe smokey goodness into your food.

After a beer or two waiting outside, our group of 10 was finally seated inside. As we sit down the table is garnished only with a few plates for every 2 to 3 people (to place the inedible parts of the calçot), bowls filled with Romesco, some freshly baked bread, a few porrons (more on this later) filled with red wine, and a plastic bib for each person at the table. The bibs are a must, as I couldn't imagine what we would all look like without them. Nearly everyone managed to spill romesco/char/red wine/grease on themselves at some point. Like good Texas BBQ, a fork and knife would be more of a hassle than an advantage, so you just go in face first.

At Cal Ganxo it is an all you can eat affair - as much as you want of anything they have to offer for the set price of 40 euros a head. The first round is dedicated solely to calçots, the second to some meat and sides, the third to Crema Catalana. The calçots are presented to the table in upside down wood shingles, unwrapped from their newspaper shield in front of your eyes, and steaming hot. As with many of nature's greatest creations, the smaller calçots were sweeter, more tender, and more desirable, while the larger ones were more fibrous, less sweet, and less flavorful.

Bundles of 20-30 calçots at a time were dispensed every 10 minutes or so until our eyes were about to bulge. Jordi (the bastard) continued ordering more to be placed in front of us, long after I waived the white flag, and being the guest I had the honor of devouring the final 3 calçots before the second course started. To give you perspective, our table of 10 must have had each of our three baskets/shingles refilled 5-8 times before moving on to the next course. We're talking 30-40 calçots a person - before we get to grilled meats and dessert.

Eating a calçot comes in 4 steps:

1) Hold on to the green leafy end, and peel the burnt ends off from the bottom. I could make a few lewd/phallic comments here, but you all get the idea.

2) Thoroughly dunk the newly cleaned bottom portion of the calçot in romesco

3) Devour, biting down below the green portion and ripping away the soft and sweet flesh in one bite

4) Moan in ecstasy. Lather, rinse, repeat.

And so we went along steps 1-4, for what seemed to be both an instant and an eternity. Conversation ceased (or carried on in Catalan only, so I focused only on the food), wine was drank, romesco was devoured, bellies were stuffed.

Let's take a minute to appreciate romseco, the Catalan sauce of the gods. To continue the Texas BBQ metaphor, romesco is the perfect BBQ sauce. Carrying on the meal without sauce is risking a one-note dining experience, while the perfect sauce is complementary to whatever you are eating in every way without taking over. Romesco is a blended sauce made of roasted peppers, roasted onions, garlic, vinegar, almonds/hazelnuts, toasted bread, and good olive oil. Some recipes (such as the one I fancy) also add roasted tomatoes for sweetness, vinegar, and pimenton (Spanish smoked paprika), amongst other things. A truly divine romesco is smokey, sweet, tangy, and chunky - balancing each of the sensations to create a sauce I could eat on just about anything.

Between gorging ourselves on calçots and romesco, we all had a few passes of the porrons. Essentially a wine decanter with a spout and handle, these little bastards were an effective way of serving red table wine and a lot of fun. The further you could pull the porro away from your mouth, the more wine you could drink (and the bigger badass you were). After a few tries you really think you have got the hold of it until someone steps in and shows you how the pros do it. Thanks, Nacho.

Once we finally surrendered to the calçots, we still had two more courses to go. The first, grilled meats, veggies, and sides, all prepared with the (now cooled) coals that cooked the calçots. Steak, lamb, morcilla (a tremendous blood sausage), botifarra (traditional Catalan sausages), grilled artichokes, and Catalan white beans all showed up in an instant. Along with them, a few bottles of Cava (Catalan Champagne) were opened, and a few ramekins of Alioli (Catalan Aioli that is more garlic than mayonnaise, and sometimes contains no egg at all). The morcilla was the real standout of the group, perfectly plump, charred, and rich. It was amazing to see anyone eating after the mountain of calçots we finished, but somehow we all managed to power through. Unsurprisingly, there were no additional orders of meat delivered to our table - one round was more than enough.

Grilled Artichokes and Morcilla surrounding a bed of Catalan White Beans

Botifarra and a few different types of grilled lamb, set over the remaining charcoals from the calçots

Finally came the Crema Catalana, a bit more Cava, and a plate of oranges to finish off the meal. Crema Catalana is a variation of crème brûlée, but slightly more eggy and loose. An excellent cap to an overindulgent meal, the family style servings remained about half finished on both sides of the table as total and complete lethargy began to set in. The oranges and cava, however, were polished off rather quickly.

The final point of comparison with Texas BBQ came within seconds of leaving the restaurant. Our clothes stank of smoke and onions, our bellies resembled women 7 months pregnant, our minds and bodies exhausted. It was like some of the worst meat coma I've ever experienced. We lethargically got back into the cars, and drove back home; only the driver managing to stay awake for the entire duration of the trip.


And so, dear readers, there is the entirely too lengthy and methodical description of one of the best, and certainly the most unique meals I have ever had in my life. Texans have their BBQ, Catalans have their calçotadas. This never would have been possible if not for my unbelievable friends, so a huge thank you to the Spaniards: Toni, Manu, Nacho, Albert, Jordi, David, Xavi, and Alex. Let me know how I can ever repay the favor and I'll be sure to make it happen.

Adeu

-Dutch